[Dec 2023] Last Nailset of 2023

 

Hi angels! I'm so happy to finally have made it to almost the end of my 2023 backlog. Yes I know we have a whole year to go before I'm caught up to current times but I have every post mapped out in the backlog so it'll actually go a lot faster now that I've gotten all the photos saved and uploaded to each post. I'll keep trucking on for now and I'm sure I'll get caught up in no time ( ദ്ദി ˙ᗜ˙ )

Ok so by this point in December I'm back to work and have some semblance of a normal daily schedule. I was still crying a lot at night but otherwise my day to day routine was more or less back to what it was.

As such, I got my gyaru mojo back and I'm ngl I was killin it with the eyemake around this time. I was able to consistently recreate this style so I felt like I finally found my signature daily style. This style meant I would mostly stick to neutrals or 1 shadow colour at a time but I that's the tradeoff for consistency and speed I guess (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )

After spamming selfies it was time to go to the nail salon. This was my last set of the year so instead of opting for Christmas themed nails I thought I'd go with something in$pirational for the new year.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by 鍾明敏 ∥ 𝙊𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙞𝙖 ♡ (@mingmoney888)

I really liked how these turned out and tbh they really worked cause I received many blessings after (∗´ര ᎑ ര`∗)

That's all for now! Thank you for reading -`♡´-

[Dec 2023] Kumatan CO*DE & Make

 

Hi angels! I hope you're doing well. The last few posts have been really heavy but I promise things are starting to look up because at this point in the backlog I was moving into the anger phase of my grieving process.

Though I was still sad for my loss, I was starting to get uncontrollably angry. Funny enough this was something I could work with. I could use anger and turn it into spite and that allowed me to be more like myself again because I was used to that kind of feeling. It felt kind of nice tbh, I had been so broken and sad for so long it was refreshing to have motivation and energy again.

I still wasn't going out a whole lot, mostly between homes or to banks to get things sorted. I was a little bit more comfortable doing my makeup because I wasn't crying so much during the day.

It was really cold now being in the mid of December so I thought I'd pull out my old kumatan sweater and do a little look to lift my spirits.

I was also starting to feel extra depressed about my hair. I felt like I was wanting to be brighter and happier but I couldn't escape the gloom and sorrow. I felt like I was literally drenched in it so I started doing some research. I couldn't quite dye my hair just yet but I thought maybe I could find other ways to brighten things up but I'll share more about that later (≖⩊≖)

Thanks for reading!

[Nov 2023] Celebrating My Best Friends' Birthdays

 

While I was deep in my grief, there were a lot of wonderful things happening to my loved ones around me that helped keep me grounded. My besties Mando and Brai got engaged halfway across the world and I got to celebrate my high school best friends' birthdays. I felt that despite all the pain I was enduring, there were still beautiful things happening and the fact that I was able to feel both ends of that emotional spectrum meant that I was truly alive. In that moment I really felt like life is truly bigger than the bubble you live in and if you're able to conceptualize that it puts a lot into perspective.

Keeping long term friendships as a working adult can be really difficult. Everyone's lives change, some people branch out and start having families or some move abroad to chase their career dreams. I'm grateful every day that I am able to maintain a close friendship with my high school group and that we make an effort to see each other at least once a month.

This month was extra special as we were celebrating Branden and Steven's birthdays! We always celebrate them together because they are a day apart. This year we decided to indulge and have a fancy dinner at Octopus' Garden.

The menu was incredible but we opted to go for the custom platter. We gave them a budget and they would put together the day's specials for us. First they brought us some appetizers which were all so tasty (*´▽`*)

Then the long awaited sashimi platter arrived and it was such an incredible sight!!! Everything was extremely fresh. This was the most decadent meal I've had in a long while. I still think about this platter often (๑>؂•̀๑)

We finished off our meal with a custom matcha cake that I brought and strawberry daifuku. This was such a lovely end to our meal here but we were feeling extra gluttonous and went for bingsu immediately afterwards lmao (๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑)

After everything I had been through up to this point I was feeling so thankful to celebrate another wonderful year with my friends. We've been through a lot together and they have supported me through every hardship for almost 20 years now. I hope to have many more wonderful birthdays and celebrations with them ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

Bye for now!!

[Nov 2023] New Nails & Learning to Smile Again

 

Hi angels! Thanks for stopping in again. The last post was kind of heavy and I'm ngl it took me like a whole month to be able to look at myself in the mirror afterwards because I was just crying inconsolably every day for hours on end. 

During this time I was doing very bad. I was thinking about suicide a lot because of how much I was hurting and I had a lot of vivid dreams about my dad. I have always had vivid dreams after a loved one passes ever since I was a kid. I'm not a particularly spiritual person but this has happened every time without fail. I would be able to see and meet them and even talk to them. It's really strange but it brings me a weird sense of comfort I guess because I feel like I'm actually speaking to them in that moment.

Anyways during the first month I was seeing my dad a lot and he kept reassuring me that things would be ok and that I needed to stop crying because he was happy to finally be living freely. He encouraged me to live my life too so I did my best.

At this point I needed to go back to work as I was nearing the end of my bereavement leave. I had to force myself to be a little bit more "normal" so I went to get my nails done.

This ended up being one of my favorite nail sets of all time. I felt really weird being at that appointment but by the end of it I felt little more like myself. I was reminded that life goes on even if I didn't want it to but I can still find joy and beauty in things around me. I decided I would try to live more in the present and take the time to appreciate both myself and the life I built through all my hard work.

When I went home I thought I would try to put some makeup on. This was the first time I've done so since my dad passed. I forced myself to smile and take pictures because I forgot what it was like and I thought if I could physically do it then maybe I could trick myself into feeling it. 

It felt weird and I hated it, I deleted every photo I took. I was ready to take everything off but I remembered what my dad had been telling me in my dreams and I thought I should make a better effort. So I kept trying.

I cried so much after these photos but I felt like I did my best and I even convinced myself I almost looked happy. Still it felt better than to not try at all so I kept these as a reminder of how strong I could always be even when I felt the complete opposite.

Thank you for reading! See you later ♡

[Oct 2023] 5201314

In Chinese slang, 5201314 means I love you for a lifetime/forever so that's what I decided to title this post. I thought about whether or not I really wanted to write this at all but it's part of my life and since this blog is like my open diary, I felt like it was only right to share a little bit about this.

In late October 2023 I got the phone call that I dreaded my whole life. My dad had passed away. This was the beginning of the worst year of my life. I won't go into too much detail because it's still hard for me to really talk about, but not only did I have to grieve this tremendous loss, I also ended up losing all of my remaining family and my childhood best friend in the aftermath.

The immediate 3 months after that phone call were the worst. The people in charge of his retirement housing complex were a nightmare to deal with and I had very little time to get a lot of things done. I'm so thankful to Kevin and some of my close friends for being there to support me through this. Even my work was very kind and I actually felt such a relief that I was able to still feel love in my heart through this traumatic and devastating time. The lady from the memorial service that I hired was also really kind and helpful so I didn't feel completely lost navigating everything.

I think I started to change a bit after the second month because I was in so much pain. I started to wonder why it was so difficult for some of the people I thought were closest to me to actually care for me or sympathize. I was absolutely shocked at how cruel and selfish they ended up being. Though I have put in the work to heal and move on, I hope that they will experience my pain tenfold for what they did to me. I pray that I never have the displeasure of meeting such foul and rancid people ever again in this life. Fuck all of you for abandoning me when I would've never left your side had the situation been reversed. 

That being said I look back on these relationships now over a year later with an air of gratefulness in my heart. As much as it hurt at the time to lose all those shitty people, this entire experience taught me to appreciate myself more. In the end it was easy to let go of them because I realized they served literally no purpose in my life to begin with. Those relationships only lasted as long as they did because I was the one that kept working on them. They only did the barest of the minimum to keep a connection with me so they could use me for my kindness. When I needed reciprocation they were more than happy to turn their backs on me and paint me as the villain in their own narrative, so in a way they made it easy for me. I truly never needed people like that in my life and the only thing I have to mourn about them is my wasted time. 

Now that it's 2025, I'm doing much better and have healed as much as I could. I put myself through some really intense therapy last year and was able to remove everyone in my life who did not deserve to be there. I now have the space to deepen the friendships that matter and focus on the people who actually care about me and it's been a deeply rewarding journey so far.

Anyways, this was the real reason why I stopped doing a lot of things for a while and especially why I ended up building a huge blog backlog. I just could not function for the longest time and I had so many things to do in his stead from taxes to paperwork and dealing with all sorts of governing bodies.

It still hurts to write all of because I miss my dad so much but I am happy to have made so many improvements to myself and my life because of all the situations I was forced into after he passed. I miss him every day and am forever grateful that our final interaction about a week or so before was full of love and closure. Our last words to each other were "I love you".

Years ago I got my dad's name in his own handwriting tattooed above my heart. I remember showing it to him and he called me his crazy girl. I will always be crazy when it comes to him. I don't regret the person I had to become in the last year. He was always proud of me and happy to tell anyone who'd listen. Now that he's gone, I have to do that for me too.

I have only now reached the end of everything that needed to be handled and was able to make space to process my grief. I don't think I'll ever be who I was before this but I am grateful still because I am happy to have grown and found peace in so many parts of my life that were nothing but chaos before this. Though this loss will hurt forever, I am happy to move forward as a better person and live my life to its fullest.

爸爸, 我會永遠愛你。

[Oct 2023] Work Dinner Look & New Gets

 

Hi angels! Nearing the end of the year I had a lot of work functions to go to. It was tiresome and I felt very drained because I immediately had to go back to this after moving and recovering from covid. My body was still exhausted but I tried my best to show up and network.

I had to plan an event with one of our teams; we went out to a games bar and had a lovely KBBQ dinner afterwards.

It was starting to get really cold around this time of year so I naturally gravitated towards a more cool/rokku vibe. I really liked my makeup here, it was very lash focused so I was light on the eyeshadow. I think it complimented these lenses well.

I wanted the key point of this outfit to be this new jacket I picked up so I built around it. I wore a work tshirt and since I wanted to be comfortable for the long night I opted for jeans.

jacket: ungrid
everything else: offbrand

I had a lot of fun and I was able to enjoy myself even though I wad dead tired (╥ ω ╥)

The next day my package from Rachel arrived. I was so excited because she saved this ma*rs setup for me and it was sooooo cute (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

I had to do a little try on and I was thrilled that everything fit!

I also got this cute ma*rs dress. I absolutely adore this print!!

And finally I got my dream d.i.a belt!! I've always loved this one and Rachel was kind enough to let me buy it from her (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝)

I love everything so much and am so thankful to Rachel for these beautiful items. I will treasure them always (ㅅ´ ˘ `) ♡

That's all for this post, thank you for reading!